How to practice real forgiveness?

There are many interesting quotes made by even more interesting figures in history, but will those quotes actually change you?


I’m going to make a blunt statement. Most acts of forgiveness are not acts of forgiveness, but acts of social manipulation. By social manipulation I do not mean anything passive-aggressive, but any type of social influence in general, aimed at removing the obstacle of conflict caused by the behavior that begs for forgiveness.

Most of us are just trying to get on with life, the stress triggered by undesirable behavior stands in our way to self-fulfillment – all the needs we think we have concerning our future.

Forgiveness is not just a moral code taught by educators and religious people. It touches the core of existence in the highest possible reality of one’s self, the reality where self no longer is that self. It is a way of letting go that directly relates to the flow of spiritual expression, on the plane where duality, time, space and individuality resolve into oneness.

But we do not experience this “other” world. We have emotions. We are oceans with currents of desire, waves of anger, depths of sadness and inescapable tides of attraction and disgust. We play the tragedy of a life full of mistakes and regrets on the stage of broken dreams. We forgive others, we forgive ourselves, but we wonder why we still cannot let go and why nothing really changes.

Emotions are chaos, they disturb our desirable predictability and sometimes become dangerous creatures of eros and thanatos, demons that possess us and fill us with energies of sex and death. So we try to fight them, hide from them or we even hate our selves, but to no avail. And even if we do seem to be able to contain them for some time, we also kill their more positive counterparts – for they are ONE.

There lies the key. We flee from our shadows, but fail to realize that they are just the other side of the same coin and to throw it away is to throw away the coin altogether. What expresses itself as emotions, both the good and the bad, is in reality just the expression of spiritual energy, but translated from oneness into duality, from the world of connectedness into the world of separateness and contrast.

The only way, literally the ONLY WAY to get rid of the suffering caused by our shadows and the confusion caused by our emotions and instincts, is to fully allow them to be. Neither approving, nor opposing them, in no way judging them. It is not letting go, it is letting be. And letting be is not ignoring or forgetting behavior of ourselves or others, it is letting flow of every aspect of our consciousness.

So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is the mere act of awareness of the reality BEHIND all behavior – wrong or right – in which there is no judgment, and no emotional value of any kind apart from a feeling of energetic being and peace. It is an act of acknowledgment of the spiritual energies that lie behind all our behavior. We do not approve of the negative things we think, do or say, or what others do or say, but it is giving up resistance of any kind and going with the flow of the energies behind it all.

Forgiveness is a spiritual ripening or maturation in which the energy blockades dissolve and the flow of being becomes unhindered, until full realization, awareness and delight can emerge. It is one of the most difficult things to attain, hence the abundance of failed attempts all around us.

Forgiveness is a slippery road on a steep mountain, but nothing is comparable to the view you get from the summit.